Priorities In Life, And What I Missed!

29th July 2004! I have always urged myself to shut off the cell phone while driving. For the simple reason that it is against the law – even with a hands-free. And it was one law-breaking evening for me, as I waited for the red signal light to change, when the buzz came on. Quite simply the worst ever news I had received in my life.

“Grandma passed away”

“WHEN?”

“Just now…..

“Am on my way home"

I hung up. Grandma was 92.

I slipped into gear as the green light came on. For once I must have been unaware of the blazing horns and vehicles around me. Trying to let the reality of the news sink into me, I drove, lost in thoughts. For some unknown reason I drove to my parents place. They lived a stone’s throw away from my place. The phone being out of order, I broke the news. My sister was shocked, as was my mother. Inspite of her old age, we still couldn’t accept she had passed away. After all she had come out of a two hour long hip surgery to mend her broken bones. She came out pretty well, after even the surgeon had given us very little hope of her making it.

I questioned myself as to why my I hadn’t broken down yet as I went drove to my uncle’s place. There she was placed, lifeless, looking very peaceful almost like she was in a deep slumber. My most beloved grandmother, the person I had loved the most in all my life. I had met her a month ago. I had not made a specific visit to meet her. I had happened to have an appointment in the vicinity, and dropped into to see her having finished with my work.

With both parents working, grandma had decided to give up her teaching job to take care of me full time. And I grew under her care, love, and affection. Being the first grandchild in the family easily made me her favorite out of the nine grandchildren she had. She loved each and every grandchild, as would be expected, but I was sure where I stood amongst equals. And everyone else knew how special I was to her. A stern, disciplined grandma she was, but always loving and adoring. I could never ever remember anything that I asked for being refused by her. I knew exactly which door to knock when I wanted something as a kid. And I grew up as a pretty reasonable kid, who also happened to excel at school, thanks to both my grandparents having been in the teaching profession. I was with her every hour of the day and night as well. And I remember her proudly tell the baker who once offered me a biscuit, “He would never take it”. And her beaming face, so full of pride, when a relative whom we were visiting, came back home after having taken me out, announcing, “This fellow chose a book over the sweets when given the option”.

Until I was about seven years old, I was completely under her care. We then moved to a new locality and I moved with my parents, now having become sufficiently ‘old’. But the grounding years had been so strong that she had become the most loved and most wanted person for me. Very soon she also moved to a house in our locality, again very close by and I saw her every day.

Life went along. School, college, and then work. The regularity of meeting her was on the wane. Career, growth, travel took priority in life. Marriage subsequently, when she beamed with happiness “I would soon become a great grandmother!” But the moments and times spent with her reduced as life progressed. Seeing her was more of an unplanned occurrence than a planned activity. She always inquired lovingly about how I was. Changes in our residences took place yet again, and we lived on the upper floor of the building, and my maternal uncle occupied the lower floor. As a young man always in a hurry, I must have spoken to her more often when I had seen her at the gate. More were the occasions when she climbed the stairs to come and see me!

The thought did occur to me, very often, that I had put meeting her and spending some time with her to a very low priority. More working hours, more responsibilities, more travel, more foreign visits. And it made the time spent with her even lesser. A posting abroad didn’t help matters. She always inquired about my health, my work. Never once did she ever utter a negative word. Never once did she ask why I hadn’t come over to see her. She, on the contrary, encouraged me to carry on with my busy schedule. On the rare occasions when I went to see her, she would cheerfully announce at home that her grandson had come to visit her, , and then inquire in detail on how my life was progressing. “You travel so much” she would say with a smile and check where I was headed next.

Every time I came into my own house without dropping in to see her, there was a tinge of guilt which was overcome by some ‘priority’. Such ‘priority’ at times was even watching some cricket games on the TV. Grandma, to her credit, also took up to following cricket and even followed the domestic games and read the paper reports regularly. There were times when she would discuss zonal games, Ranji games and take names of players not even on the fringe of national selection. I was very proud of her, cricket being a big passion for me!

Age made her lose her sight slowly, and it took some effort for her to recognize people. She kept moving between the homes of my two maternal uncles. From the active grandma I had known, the one whose hands I held and went out as I grew up, she was now home based completely as age caught up. And somewhere down the line, in the hurry to be successful in life and the other pursuits of life I had completely relegated her presence to a completely low priority. Inspite of the feeling within that I wasn’t doing enough to spend time with her, life went on. Work, trips, friends, parties – so many things took priority. Looking back, there could have been many things which one could have avoided or moderated to allocate time for her. Never happened and nor will there be an opportunity to make good now.

I did break down completely when we finally moved her out to the burial ground. The comforting thought was that she had had a complete and full life, and had a peaceful end. On some occasions when I did get to be with her she would express her feelings – “Why am I still around? I have seen it all. There is nothing more really in life left. I have seen my grandchildren and great grandchildren. Now my sight is lost, and there is not much left than being a dependant on others. I can go”. We always admonished her and told her she was just doing fine and we needed her around to bless us and be with us.

After she was buried and we returned home, I told myself – Whatever the situation, I will visit her grave atleast once a month to pay my respects to her. And if she were to be watching me, to forgive me and bless one and all. Was it to atone for past sins that I made this decision, I asked myself. What I missed out when she was alive and around, I told myself, I would attempt to do now to ease a sense of guilt. How much we miss out in life with priorities that are muddled up, and so unfortunate that material aspects of life take precedence over emotional aspects. I wish I had taken some time somewhere during my busy life to sit down and write down all that was dear and important to me in life, and had taken stock of how I would distribute my very precious time to the various items in that list. Going forward I would do that. Thank you grandma, for helping me recognize this. You continue to help me learn even today.

Nine months have since passed, and thankfully I have made good the vow I made. I was particularly happy the day I switched off the TV when a crucial game of cricket was being telecast, and I headed out to spend some time with her. Something I never did during her living days. And I uttered at her grave, “This is also for you granddad”. She was buried at the very same spot where we had buried my granddad some twenty four years back.